Rules are meant to be learned, followed, obeyed—and broken? YES—once you have thoroughly learned those rules. Settle in for a rousing discussion-focused workshop on the tenets of negotiation and limit setting; defining irresponsibility; and how and when to work through fear to express vulnerability. Examine the parameters of “safe”—as well as how thin and versatile those parameters can be. You’ve done the 101. And another 101. You’ve played. You’ve had dynamics. You’ve grown. Now, come talk about how, when, where, and if to break the rules. This class can be taught by Sera and/or Frida, solo or together.
tl;dr? Leather, kinky, ace spectrum, D-type. Educator, activist, perv. Career sex worker. Writer/ editor. Fuck the system.
Print copy? Sera Miles is CEO of People Exchanging Power (PEP). Human sexuality courses at the University of New Mexico, Southwestern College, and University of Denver have welcomed her as a guest speaker; she’s presented at Texas Tech, Central New Mexico Community College, DomConLA and DomConNOLA, Beat Me in St Louis, Northwest Leather Celebration, and Behind Closed Doors in Tucson; and taught workshops for various groups and sex shoppes across the United States. In 2016, the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) of New Mexico invited Sera to speak about BDSM at their annual conference, and the following year, Sera served as the BDSM adviser to the New Mexico Strangulation Task Force. Sera has appeared in numerous fetish videos, some so ancient they require a VCR, and she stars in "Bonetown" and "Bonecraft," the world's first pornographic computer games. For six vibrant years, Sera led New Mexico FetLifers, a social networking group she founded, and which produced the conference "Evolution of the Revolution." She co-founded New Mexico's Sex Workers Outreach Project chapter and organized Albuquerque’s events for the International Day to End Violence against Sex Workers (aka Red Umbrella Day) from 2009 to 2015. Sera, by invitation, spoke at the 2018 March for Trans Rights in Albuquerque, which was an honor that she works to be worthy of. The United Court of Sandias bestowed upon Sera the lifetime title, “Inspiration of the Sandias,” and in 2018, she co-chaired UCS’ Year of the Woman committee, where she spear-headed the #periodpositive project, collecting menstruation supplies to help under-served communities, and working to dismantle cultural shame about periods. Sera identifies as a demisexual leather D-type, in addition to the identities of activist, editor, type-A personality, sex worker, and Leo Dragon.
Breaking the Rules: BDSM after the 101
Dialogue with a Dominatrix
Sera Miles has worked in the sex industry for over a dozen years, and her work has spanned fetish video, in person domination, and running a phone sex business. Circle in for a spirited discussion of desire, fetishes, and the hidden nuggets of ecstatic pleasure. Learn what only a pro can tell you: nothing is weird, taboo, or out of bounds. Bring your questions and allow Sera to open your mind to the multitude of ways you can describe your erotic self and thus please yourself AND your partner.
From A to Gray-A: Confessions of a Demisexual Biromantic
The more language we have, the better we can communicate what we seek, desire, and imagine for our relationships. We can also better communicate what it is we do not want. Welcome to a primer on the Asexual spectrum! We’ll define and explore primary sexual attraction, as well as terms common to folks who have self-identified along the Asexual and Aromantic spectrums. Orientation is not a one-lane road. What we desire sexually (if at all) may not pair with our romantic desires (if we have them). Settle in for a rousing discussion in which Sera will share her story of coming out demisexual and examine how asexuality, queerness, and kink intersect.
Good Enough, or Which Hat Am I Wearing with Which Shoes?
You try to be the best mother. Best wife/girlfriend/lover (and if you’re poly, please multiply here appropriately). Best worker/student/co-worker. Best community member/leader. Best neighbor. Best sister, daughter, niece, aunt … Best friend. Meanwhile, there’s a run in your fishnets; you can’t find your other red cuff; and you ran out of Oreos, the only snack your kid will eat—this week, that is. Stop beating yourself up! And aren’t manypeople in this lifestyle to either get literal beatings or give them? Why are you metaphorically slapping yourself silly? It’s time to talk about the gritty, dirty, hard parts of being driven and kinky, all while wearing multiple hats. Join Sera Miles for girl talk beyond the brunch table. No topic is out of bonds. Sera will facilitate discussion on how she’s learned to be the good enough mother/lover/leader/etc; how to say NO (yes, in all caps); how to prioritize; and how to reconcile what we do in the kink community with the rest of our lives. Prepare to whine (and be heard!), cry, sigh, and laugh—uproariously. Note: This workshop can be adapted for mixed-gender rooms, though as above, it’s directed at female-identified kinksters.
Living the Dream: Polyam in Practice, Beyond Theory
Polyamory tells us that the relationships of our dreams are possible, that we can create dynamic paths to fulfilling our needs and discover novel approaches to intimacy, life building, and more. How, though, do we do that? How do we develop schedules that honor everyone’s needs -- without living under the tyranny of an integrated Google Calendar? Can we maintain living situations that keep costs low and people close by, or costs high and personal space great? What happens when dislike for a metamour shifts into loathing, or when jealousy feels all consuming? Is it necessary for all poly folks to become political -- or is it simply inevitable? Why do we sometimes feel so lonely when poly means “many”?
Join Sera for a discussion-based workshop that will examine polyamorist relationships under a practical magnifying lens. Let’s talk about the realities of living out our reveries, and create the potential for our lives to match up to our dreams.
Disenfranchised peoples experience dozens to hundreds of microaggressions each day. These seemingly disposable attacks leave folks feeling empty, defeated, angry, victimized, helpless, and worse. Let’s talk about what microaggressions are, how and why they function, and how we can all do a better job of communicating with awareness of the marginalized groups with whom we share and build our kink community.
Misery Loves Company: How Toxic People Affect the Community
Come talk about toxic people and community health. We'll dabble in psychological theory, examine what "toxic" can mean, and turn the lens inside to examine our own potential for behavior that damages the self and others. Learn tools to help you identify folks who can be toxic to you. Join in to collaborate and develop ideas on how to navigate the difficult community waters that seem poisoned to some -- and fresh to others. The boat may rock, but life jackets? There's plenty.
PERV, Providing Education with Respect and Vision
Join us for an invigorating class on vocabulary, common sense (that isn’t so common!), etiquette, expectations, and safety. New to the kink/Leather/BDSM/fetish community? This class is for you! Been around for awhile? Come for a refresher! This class can be taught by Sera and/or Frida, solo or together.
Power Dynamics for Radical Relationships
What if we could negotiate all of our relationships from a place of self-truth and self-love? What if we stopped placing dominance on romantic dynamics and embraced the sanctity of each interpersonal connection? What if we believed our needs were valuable and facilitated getting them met? We’d have to be real honest with ourselves about who we are, what we want, and what we’re willing to give. Let’s work on believing we deserve every morsel of what we crave. Let’s develop relationships while consciously questioning the tenets of monogamy and polyamory. Imagine the dynamics you could enjoy, thrive in, and create if you trusted your vision. Join Sera to uncover ways to stop pretending, to express what you want and risk not only that timeless fear of humiliation and rejection, but also risk actually getting it all, risk feasting at the table of your dreams come true.
Presenting Yourself with Polished Prose
No matter how many kink events we attend, we meet many people for the first time on-line—and they meet us, when they read our profiles on FetLife, Alt, and the like. Whether you’re using social networking to find partners, friends, work, or community, your on-line profile creates a first impression. And those pesky first impressions? Almost impossible to change. In this workshop, we’ll discuss tools and tricks to help you develop the best first impression possible. Writing, proofreading, brainstorming, and celebrating ourselves in prose are all on the menu. Book editor Sera will share insider tips on developing and executing the best writing possible, while also discussing how to figure out not just how to write about yourself, but also what to write about yourself.