Rules are meant to be learned, followed, obeyed—and broken? YES—once you have thoroughly learned those rules. Settle in for a rousing discussion-focused workshop on the tenets of negotiation and limit setting; defining irresponsibility; and how and when to work through fear to express vulnerability. Examine the parameters of “safe”—as well as how thin and versatile those parameters can be. You’ve done the 101. And another 101. You’ve played. You’ve had dynamics. You’ve grown. Now, come talk about how, when, where, and if to break the rules. This class can be taught by Sera and/or Frida, solo or together.
The Miles Class Offerings
Dialogue with a Dominatrix
Sera Miles has worked in the sex industry for over a dozen years, and her work has spanned fetish video, in person domination, and running a phone sex business. Circle in for a spirited discussion of desire, fetishes, and the hidden nuggets of ecstatic pleasure. Learn what only a pro can tell you: nothing is weird, taboo, or out of bounds. Bring your questions and allow Sera to open your mind to the multitude of ways you can describe your erotic self and thus please yourself AND your partner.
Diplomacy in the Community
Welcome to advanced conflict resolution! We’ll discuss the meeting of existential philosophy and neuroscience to learn how the human being’s ability to manipulate is a biological imperative. Then, we’ll examine using that biological imperative for good—good for the self and others. Authentic diplomacy occurs when we resolve conflicts in ways that create win-win situations for the parties involved and the mediator(s). Settle in for a fascinating ride through the caverns of existentialism, into the microscopic pathways of the human brain, and across the minefield of human emotions. Bring your difficult situations (in mind!), and learn how to navigate the sometimes stormy community waters with better ease.
Fisting (Frontal and Posterior)
Frida Miles will detail the steps needed to achieve successful frontal and posterior fisting as well as the physical and emotional preparation needed from all participants. She will go over materials, anatomy, and risks involved in fisting and discuss the differences in pleasure relevant to anatomy. This workshop will also address the unique qualities and needs of those within the FTM community when it comes to fisting, whether those needs and qualities are due to the changes that genitalia undertakes as a result of hormonal therapy or simply due to the fascinating complexity of sexual interaction with people of gender variant identities. This workshop will provide you with tools and anatomical knowledge that will hopefully aid you in your dynamics.
*This workshop can be adapted to cover only cis-gendered vaginal fisting; anal fisting; and/or fisting for FTMs. Sera Miles, if attending, will demo bottom and assist instructor.
From A to Gray-A: Confessions of a Demisexual Biromantic
The more language we have, the better we can communicate what we seek, desire, and imagine for our relationships. We can also better communicate what it is we do not want. Welcome to a primer on the Asexual spectrum! We’ll define and explore primary sexual attraction, as well as terms common to folks who have self-identified along the Asexual and Aromantic spectrums. Orientation is not a one-lane road. What we desire sexually (if at all) may not pair with our romantic desires (if we have them). Settle in for a rousing discussion in which Sera will share her story of coming out demisexual and examine how asexuality, queerness, and kink intersect.
Good Enough, or Which Hat Am I Wearing with Which Shoes?
You try to be the best mother. Best wife/girlfriend/lover (and if you’re poly, please multiply here appropriately). Best worker/student/co-worker. Best community member/leader. Best neighbor. Best sister, daughter, niece, aunt … Best friend. Meanwhile, there’s a run in your fishnets; you can’t find your other red cuff; and you ran out of Oreos, the only snack your kid will eat—this week, that is. Stop beating yourself up! And aren’t manypeople in this lifestyle to either get literal beatings or give them? Why are you metaphorically slapping yourself silly? It’s time to talk about the gritty, dirty, hard parts of being driven and kinky, all while wearing multiple hats. Join Sera Miles for girl talk beyond the brunch table. No topic is out of bonds. Sera will facilitate discussion on how she’s learned to be the good enough mother/lover/leader/etc; how to say NO (yes, in all caps); how to prioritize; and how to reconcile what we do in the kink community with the rest of our lives. Prepare to whine (and be heard!), cry, sigh, and laugh—uproariously. Note: This workshop can be adapted for mixed-gender rooms, though as above, it’s directed at female-identified kinksters.
How to Breakup with the Individual(s) and Not the Community: an Ethical Guide to Surviving a Breakup within Alternative Communities
Break-ups within alternative communities are particularly hard. We find ourselves sequestered in a fictitious microcosms that makes our dynamics feel somewhat incestuous. We find ourselves dependant on members of such communities to the point of creating family-like ties. We attempt to exercise ownership of both individuals and groups. Without a flexible and compassionate approach this situation can lead to unnecessary and destructive conflict during and after a break-up. A positive outcome depends on the skillful and egalitarian orchestration of the steps that can be taken during and after the break-up. Frida will share their break-up experiences and walk you through the do and don’ts they learned first-hand. This workshop is not designed to be a form of individual or group therapy. While this will be a safe and welcoming space the nature of the workshop could be troublesome for some people. Please be aware of your stimuli and triggers.
Living the Dream: Poly in Practice, Beyond Theory
Polyamory tells us that the relationships of our dreams are possible, that we can create dynamic paths to fulfilling our needs and discover novel approaches to intimacy, life building, and more. How, though, do we do that? How do we develop schedules that honor everyone’s needs -- without living under the tyranny of an integrated Google Calendar? Can we maintain living situations that keep costs low and people close by, or costs high and personal space great? What happens when dislike for a metamour shifts into loathing, or when jealousy feels all consuming? Is it necessary for all poly folks to become political -- or is it simply inevitable? Why do we sometimes feel so lonely when poly means “many”?
Join Sera for a discussion-based workshop that will examine polyamorist relationships under a practical magnifying lens. Let’s talk about the realities of living out our reveries, and create the potential for our lives to match up to our dreams.
Disenfranchised peoples experience dozens to hundreds of microaggressions each day. These seemingly disposable attacks leave folks feeling empty, defeated, angry, victimized, helpless, and worse. Let’s talk about what microaggressions are, how and why they function, and how we can all do a better job of communicating with awareness of the marginalized groups with whom we share and build our kink community.
Misery Loves Company: How Toxic People Affect the Community
Come talk about toxic people and community health. We'll dabble in psychological theory, examine what "toxic" can mean, and turn the lens inside to examine our own potential for behavior that damages the self and others. Learn tools to help you identify folks who can be toxic to you. Join in to collaborate and develop ideas on how to navigate the difficult community waters that seem poisoned to some -- and fresh to others. The boat may rock, but life jackets? There's plenty.